either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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