Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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