Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
