I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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