i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
