I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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