so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
