sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
