dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
