I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I party with great urgency now.
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