I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
