Cold hands, warm shart.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
