the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My ass is underappreciated
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