my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
