i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
