Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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