I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i now understand why vodka
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