Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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