Barsexuality is the new black.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize