My liver just broke up with me...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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