So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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