he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize