six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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