Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize