I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
