3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
