I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
