wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
