I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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