Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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