I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
