how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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