He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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