i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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