I look better un-naked...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
