I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
