I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Houston, we have a blender
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
