she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
