I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
