Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
