My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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