Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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