he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
