so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
