ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
