the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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