it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
