Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize