Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sext me about skeletons
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
