Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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