Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Boobs are out for the taking
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
