it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We just shotgunned beers for America
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
