Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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