how can u be prego again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
