2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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