I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
