Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
