so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
