i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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