operation harelip BJ is a go
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
