Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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