woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize