I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
