True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
