just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Less talking, more tequila
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
