Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
