Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
