tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
