Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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