MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
