i jhust puked up my retainher.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think your dad took our porno
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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