Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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