Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
