I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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