shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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