hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
