haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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