shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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