Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
