Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
should my penis look like a turkey
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
