Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
